my memory gets in the way of my...friendships
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to reconnect with folks I haven’t seen or talked to in five, six, seven, ten years. Am I just supposed to call them up and say, “hey, remember me? That nerdy girl with long braids and pink plastic glasses who didn’t get out much and never ever said anything of significance anyway? So how’s it going?”
I don’t know how to rekindle relationships that are so wrapped up in pain/anger/love/betrayal/confusion and linked to a childhood past so much of which I’d rather not remember.
My memory is like a cloud. Cumulo nimbus. Big fat dark mushroom. Parts of which i breeze through; clear, colourless haze, fluid and easy to navigate around, cushy even. Most of which I get lost in; full and heavy, strangely seductive yet simultaneously repulsive, threatening to break loose in a mad downpour of emotion at any second.
What’s so bad about denial and dissociation anyway? I say go ahead, block your memories out if you have to in order to get through the days. Sure is a lot easier than facing shit.
Oh well, there’s always small talk.
I don’t know how to rekindle relationships that are so wrapped up in pain/anger/love/betrayal/confusion and linked to a childhood past so much of which I’d rather not remember.
My memory is like a cloud. Cumulo nimbus. Big fat dark mushroom. Parts of which i breeze through; clear, colourless haze, fluid and easy to navigate around, cushy even. Most of which I get lost in; full and heavy, strangely seductive yet simultaneously repulsive, threatening to break loose in a mad downpour of emotion at any second.
What’s so bad about denial and dissociation anyway? I say go ahead, block your memories out if you have to in order to get through the days. Sure is a lot easier than facing shit.
Oh well, there’s always small talk.
posted by burgers and durians at
9:22 PM
3 Comments:
i'm with you on this :). i'm happy to leave all those bad relationships, and the memories that go with them, behind. but then, i always find these things creep up on me one way or another...
i'll bet that pink plastic glasses will be in style soon, reincarnated as 'retro'. :)
well small talk is all well and good. i would suggest gin.
Yeah been, that's the problem. All that repressed stuff is sneaky as hell.
Funny thing about pink - i've been repulsed by it for the last many years (due in no small part to those notorious glasses), but have started incorporating it into my life again recently. Are we moving forward here? Perhaps.
And anonymous, gin is great. Scotch is even better.
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